Leah Love

Leah Love is the new publicity and promotions rep at Eddie’s Attic. She sorts through tons of band press kits and promo packs daily. Here, she offers some constructive criticism and advice for hopeful — and, in some cases, hopeless — musicians trying to get a gig.

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1) Avoid John Mayer: “Do not drop the John Mayer bomb. Every musician in this city has either played with him, opened for him, shared the stage with him, or sounds like him. Sorry, but it doesn’t make you special.”

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2) Don’t be a name-dropper: “Do not drop more than 10 names of bands you’ve opened for in your bio. It’s tacky and implies that you’ll never be more than an opening act.”

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3) Don’t get a “heart” on: “Please, please, please do not ever say during a performance, ‘This next song comes straight from the heart.’ It’s tired. ‘This next song comes straight from the groin’ would be much better — or at least funnier.”

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4) Stay at least semi-sober: “Don’t get so drunk on stage that you can’t play your own music. It’s a bad sign when your fans start asking the venue for their money back.”

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5) It shouldn’t matter if there’s 3 or 3,000: “Don’t get all pissy if only three people show up for your show. Having a bad attitude on stage due to ‘low voter turnout’ will only alienate the three paying fans you actually do, or did, have.”

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Lee Valentine Smith