The Blotter: Oh, Christmas tree!

On Magnolia Way, a 22-year-old woman said she and her live-in boyfriend got into a big fight over “where he had been for the past few hours.” Her persistent questions irritated the boyfriend, so he knocked over their Christmas tree, scattering ornaments everywhere. Then he broke their red bed frame (symbolic?). So the girlfriend called police. An officer arrived and noted, “The apartment was in complete disarray. The Christmas tree was lying on the floor” along with chunks of the bed frame. The boyfriend, 25, went to jail for Christmas tree damage and losing his cool over questions about his whereabouts. Yes, she knows when you’ve been bad or good.

Unholy night

In Ormewood Park, a church pastor spent $250 on a big red-and-green “Merry Christmas” sign and mounted it in front of his Baptist church. The very next morning, the Merry Christmas sign was gone. At first, the pastor thought perhaps strong winds blew away his holiday sign, so he earnestly drove around the neighborhood looking for it. Then the pastor remembered that he used sturdy wire to firmly latch the sign to the church. The pastor went back to the church and looked again — yep, the wires had been cut. Some Grinch used wire cutters to steal a fancy Merry Christmas sign from a church.

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch

In the Westview area, a 24-year-old woman returned home from work and noticed all of her Christmas decorations were ripped down from the front door of her home on Beecher Street. After unlocking the front door, the woman was greeted by “a strong smell of bleach.” Plus, her dog was loose and her iPhone charger was cut into pieces. In her bedroom, bleach had been poured on her clothes and her bras had been cut and slashed. In the kitchen, all the food in her refrigerator was smeared and dumped on the floor.

The woman called police and said she’s been arguing with her toddler’s father for days. Earlier, she sent him a text asking him to buy their child some pull-up diapers. Apparently, he got mad about the diaper request and trashed her house. Stupidly, he sent her a text message at work: “I see you are not home. LOL.” Police put out a warrant for his arrest.

Miracle on MLK Drive

On a recent Friday night, a guy wearing a Scream mask and a bare-face man in brown overalls strolled into a fried-fish restaurant on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive. The masked man pointed a silver gun at a 34-year-old female cashier and demanded her keys and cellphone. Terrified, the cashier slowly inched her way into a rear room to retrieve her car keys and phone from her purse. Shaking, the cashier returned to the front counter but the masked man and his overall-wearing accomplice were gone. No one was hurt and nothing was missing from the store. Naturally, cops wanted to verify the cashier’s bizarre story. Sure enough, after reviewing the fish store’s surveillance tape: “I could clearly see the two individuals, the ‘Scream’ mask, and the gun,” the officer confirmed.

Frosty relations

In East Atlanta, trouble was brewing as live-in boyfriends prepared to go to a holiday party. One boyfriend, 36, said he was ready to go but his boyfriend, 25, was still primping. He said the younger boyfriend was putting on makeup in the bathroom and that he “pissed me off” because they’d agreed the younger boyfriend would not wear makeup when they went out together. He tried asking the boyfriend to remove the makeup. His boyfriend refused, so he grabbed a towel and tried to physically rub the makeup off his boyfriend’s face. A shoving match ensued and the boyfriends started wrestling over the makeup.

They scratched the party plans. The older boyfriend decided to go out and get some food by himself to settle things down. He returned 30 minutes later and things seemed civil at first. He sat down in the living room to watch a movie on TV, but his boyfriend started “fussing” at him about the movie volume being too loud. He said his boyfriend was just doing this to get on his nerves. The two men started wrestling over the TV remote: one kept muting the volume while the other cranked up the TV volume. During the epic TV remote struggle, the younger boyfriend said he had to bite the older boyfriend on the leg in order to get away. His only injury: a small fingernail scratch on the chest. The older boyfriend went to jail for disorderly conduct

Redneck Dixie Xmas savings plan

On Casplan Street, an older married couple said they went out for the evening and robbers snatched $350 in change. “In the living room area, burglars had slid a large ceramic pig out into the middle of the floor and broken it open using a frying pan from the kitchen,” said the 67-year-old husband. According to the wife, the ceramic pig was “extremely heavy” and filled with hundreds of dollars worth of spare change. Also missing: a gallon jug filled with dimes and quarters from the closet and approximately $50 in rolled change from the husband’s sock draw, plus several pairs of cuff links.

Babes in Toyland

Cops responded to a dispute between two 30-year-old women at an apartment in Sylvan Hills. One woman was fed up and threw her roommate’s Sony PlayStation into a “bathtub full of water,” rendering it permanently “inoperable.” Then she took off to a nightclub.

Frankincense now

In Old Fourth Ward, a gas station clerk said a man with a “white medium-length beard” and a stocking cap showed up one night and started acting weird. Apparently, the bearded man tried to steal something — unsuccessfully — and ran away. Four hours later, the bearded man returned and busted into the store for one item: a package of “The Dipper Big Stick Incense” (worth $15).

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.