Captive audience

The Earl, Nov. 11 — When former Blue Meanies/Skankin’ Pickle bassist Jay Vance decided he could no longer make music with his fellow humans, he decided to forego the process by building his own bandmates. Vance programmed two cybernetic counterparts — GTRBOT666 and DRMBOT 0110 — to play the respective guitar and drum parts he had written. Unfortunately, he underestimated the power of his creations and unleashed something much more sinister. Shortly after turning on their power sources, his new bandmates seized control of him by implanting a “bio-cerebral chip” into his head and have since forced him to carry out their bidding in the group Captured! By Robots.
Now the artist formerly known as Jay Vance, dubbed JBOT by his android captors, is physically and verbally abused on stage and forced to travel around the world performing degrading rock songs that offer a glimpse at the fate of all mankind. The robots brought JBOT to the Earl last Saturday to prove once and for all that the human race is on the brink of being enslaved by the very machines it created, explained, the robots said, in the book of Genesis. Resistance is futile.
The evening began when local three-piece the Rock Coaches launched into a set of gritty, instrumental numbers, including a rendition of the theme music from HBO’s “Mr. Show.” Making use of guitars, drums and keyboards, the group added vocals for its final song, the Rock Coaches anthem, chanting “Rock, Rock, Rock Coaches!”
Next, Saraland, Ala.’s four-piece the Man Made Brain — consisting of former members of “avant-noise” makers xbxr and JATS, as well as the Man? or Astro-Man: Clone Project Alpha — took the stage in a blaze of white-hot electro-rock. Drawing upon influences ranging from Brainiac, the Causey Way and Wire, the group pounded through a dizzying set of schizophrenic rock that, according to the members themselves, “makes you wanna freak out!”
Captured! By Robots emerged shortly thereafter. Joining the group on stage was JBOT’s simian sidekick, the Ape Which Hath No Name. The booming God-like voice of the Ape filled the air, telling the sad tale of JBOT’s enslavement as he moved his subjugators into place. The robots, looking like renegade extras from the set of Herbie Hancock’s “Rockit” video, prodded their prisoner from one song to the next. When DRMBOT 0110 spoke, her mouth moved frantically up and down and her silver dreadlocks spun wildly. GTRBOT666 convulsed to life, condemning the on-lookers with an endless stream of profanity and anti-human propaganda.
At the center of it all, JBOT stood tall in his bondage mask, entrails exposed, performing each and every song demanded of him. Where in past performances JBOT often pleaded with his captors to spare him from the humiliation of performing these songs, tonight he proclaimed, “I’m not embarrassed anymore,” as he crooned his way through “Cancer,” “Don’t Break My Balls” and “My Hell Is Cold.”
In another change from past performances, where JBOT operated the droids with foot pedals, GTRBOT666 and DRMBOT 0110 are now completely autonomous. Thanks to a recent upgrade, the machines are now free to rock without the constraints of inferior human mobility. And, clearly, they’re rocking harder than ever before.
So will JBOT construct a Mr. Roboto to help him escape? Not likely. Judging by Saturday night’s performance, his will has been broken and the robots are increasing in numbers. DRMBOT 0110 has already started incorporating upgraded technology into other robots and has no plans of stopping there. Today JBOT, tomorrow the world.