Lust List 2016: Marky: Bartender, Mary’s
Job: Bartender, Mary’s
Age: 33
Relationship Status: “I’m dating a hobbit that’s addicted to cheese.”
It’s hard not to fall for a guy who talks freely about his abuela, has his personal mantra tatted on his chest, and doesn’t spend a lot of time frowning because ... wrinkles. After just a short conversation, you sort of feel like maybe he’s put a hex on you — after all, he is a practicing witch (not to be confused with a Wiccan because “those people are basic”). The Columbus, Ga., native is currently taking a break from earning his degree in pharmaceuticals and says he spends most of his time working at Mary’s and drinking too much Red Bull — a testament to energetic, almost infectious demeanor. — Jacinta Howard
A TOTALLY PSYCHO EXPERIENCE IN WEST VIRGINIA
I was driving from Columbus, Ga., to New York. It’s like 21 hours. We stayed at a hotel in West Virginia, and it looked like the hotel from Psycho. The lady at the front counter was smoking cigarettes and she looked at us and was like, “$20!” It smelled like bug spray. It was so bad. But whatever. We just took a nap, got up, washed our butts and headed out.
West Virginia ... seriously, as soon as you get in there, you lose phone service ... and I have Verizon. It’s weird.
FROM THE NOMINATOR: What’s the coolest spell you’ve ever done?
The most recent spell I’ve done was an enchantment to cure this dude’s earache. It was a white-ish spell, because I did want him to get better, but I also wanted him to bang me.
How many dates before you go all the way?
Laughs You mean hours?
What movie is your life most like?
The Craft
What did you like most or least about your ex?
I liked how he was really assertive. I didn’t like how he didn’t ever trust me.
What’s hanging above your sofa?
I have this really cool, giant wooden mandala thing. I got it from the thrift store for like $10. It’s really ornate and beautiful.
What’s the best album to make out to?
I like silence when I’m making out. Music is cool and all but when you’re making out I like silence and to be in the moment.
Name three people who you’d like to play spin the bottle with?
Aubrey Plaza from “Parks and Recreation.” She’s my spirit animal. All I’m thinking of are girls for some reason; it’s so weird. Um, Nicki Minaj and I should probably throw a dude in there because I’m homo — Ricky Martin. He’s always been ... I want to hate fuck him.
FROM THE NOMINATOR: What’s the best advice your mom ever gave you?
The best advice my mom has ever given me was to never raise my eyebrows. Seriously. My forehead muscles are atrophied from lack of use. I’m 800 years old but you couldn’t tell because my forehead is smooth.
What’s your preferred cocktail to make and to drink?
To make, depending on if somebody wants something fruity, I like taking them to the islands so I’ll make like a coconut rum and I’ll put like, blue stuff in it to make it pretty for them. And for me, whiskey. Jack and coke or if I’m feeling fancy, Makers on the rocks.
Which is more your style? Red Bull or Chamomile tea?
Red Bull. I’m actually addicted. I think I drink four a day. I don’t drink coffee though so that that’s my coffee.
When you were 14 what band were you obsessed with?
No Doubt
What’s your guiltiest pleasure?
Cheesecake. Like, the whole thing. By myself.
What’s the sexiest part of the male and female anatomy?
Male? Probably hands. I check for the size or if they’re rough or pretty. I have lady hands so I like man hands. Female, I would say shoulders, like the collarbone when they wear a low cut top. I love it.
Do you have a superstition?
I’m not superstitious. I’m pretty much aware of my surroundings.
Name a celebrity you can take in a fight.
Mario Lopez
I could probably take Mario Lopez.
Exactly. He’s too pretty.
What comic book character would you most like to be?
Professor X so I could read people’s minds and if I don’t like what they’re thinking I could change it for them.
What do you wish someone would hurry up and invent?
A dream recorder. You could plug it up and in the morning you look at it and realize how messed up you are.
Which are cooler — vampires or zombies?
Vampires. I am a vampire.
Name three foods that are part of your regular diet.
Rice and beans, broccoli, and sweet tea.
What’s the lamest pickup line someone tried to use on you?
Nice tats, bro.
Do you have a mantra?
I have it tattooed on my collarbone. “There is no right or wrong, just perspective and opinion.”
What’s your best move on the dance floor?
I won a twerking contest before. I grew up listening to reggae and reggaeton — I’m half Puerto Rican, so I know how to do all that. And if I’m drunk I can vogue really well.
What’s your weirdest recurring dream?
Probably the one where I’m at work. I pretty much live at work. So I always have dreams about Mary’s being my home. The last dream I had, I actually had a bed and there were these giant frogs chasing after me. They were walking toward me making a slurping noise with their feet. It freaked me out. I woke up and was like, “I’m there too much.”
Read us the last interesting text or tweet you sent.
“Food drunk texting is the new drunk nudes.”
What happens when you die?
It depends on what you believe in. I don’t believe in heaven but my abuela did and so I know she’s in heaven screaming at me about my beard and tattoos right now. I’m probably not going to die because I’m going to clone myself, so we’re going to share the same soul.