The Walking Dead’ Season 2, Ep. 6: Gone With the Zombie Apocalypse

• AMC
• ‘Well, I guess I’ve done murder. I won’t think about it now ...”

So, in order to watch “The Walking Dead” last night, I had to take a break from watching “Gone With the Wind” for the very first time ever, which — if you’re keeping track — means I spent at least five hours sitting in front of a TV last night, growing ever fatter and older. Let me tell you, the parallels between the two are INCREDIBLE (especially if you happen to be recapping “The Walking Dead,” but really want to talk about “Gone With the Wind”).

Hear me out ...

Whatever has turned the vast majority of the human race into zombies is like the General Sherman of viruses, bringing Atlanta (and the rest of the world) to its knees. Society as we knew it is gone with the wind, and the increasingly proliferative zombies are the bloodsucking Yankee carpetbaggers, staining their hands and mouths with the blood of the South’s/the Earth’s rightful inhabitants. Our protagonists flee destruction in the Capitol city, and find a version of Tara that’s withstood the ravages of war/zombie apocalypse. Shane is Scarlett O’Hara, a manipulative attractive person who, more so than being inherently awful, is forced to adapt in the face of a catastrophic paradigm shift. But instead of being pregnant with an unwanted child like Scarlett, Shane puts an unwanted child in Lori. Rick, a.k.a. Rhett Butler, should seriously consider nudging Lori down the stairs before she tries to OD on morning after pills again. Glenn is Mammy, a loyal, brave, wise soul who’s under-appreciated by everyone around him. Dale is Prissy, but mostly just because he’s annoying.

So, what we can surmise from this — SPOILER ALERT — is that Rick is gonna walk out on his “partner” Shane, but it’ll be OK because Shane will be really rich and have lots of nice dresses at that point, and all he really ever cared about was money anyway. THE END.

Can you even believe I’m doing this when there’s so much to discuss? Great balls of fire (last GWTW reference ... maybe), zombie attacks make people HORNAAAAAY. And Glenn isn’t whistling Dixie (shit) when he says he’s a bad liar. And, really, it’s not just that he’s a bad liar, it’s that he’s completely fucking incapable of keeping secrets, which is arguably slightly different.