The Walking Dead’ recap: The preacher’s wife

• Courtesy AMC
• SOLE SURVIVORS: Last night’s ep introduced a new character. Can we trust him?

I just finished reading Bob Saget’s book Dirty Daddy, in which he describes the current landscape of television as “chop-people-up zombie TV.” The guy you probably know best as the neurotic poppa Danny Tanner on “Full House,” was dead-on in his description of cable’s big, record breaking hour of television about the undead, specifically last night’s episode. Per usual, there were zombies and — poor, Bob! — some dismembering of limbs.

? ? ?
We pick up where left off last week with our crew all back together sans Beth (Emily Kinney). Typically, when we see our band of survivors together it means some pretty foul shit is just waiting around the corner. Well at least Daryl seems to think so, and that something (or someone) is stalking the crew while they sleep at night? Um, yeah, we never did confirm the whereabouts of Gareth and company after Terminus got torched.

I was already nervous with the title of this episode before it even started. Naming the ep “Strangers” only made me think of that creepy ass movie “The Strangers,” which made me think of Liv Tyler in “The Leftovers,” which is like arguably one of the most bleak new TV series to come along since, well, “The Walking Dead.” Anyway, my sense of paranoia was only increased when we ran into a random (nothing on this show is random) preacher in the woods pleading for his life while being attacked by a few walkers. Oh what up, Seth Gilliam, aka one of my favorite actors on MTV’s “Teen Wolf” and THE GREATEST SHOW OF ALL-TIME, aka “The Wire.” Our preacher’s name is Gabriel, and he’s hungry and alone. It’s the latter that makes me, and apparently Rick Grimes, kind of skeptical of his whole existence.

Gabriel invites folks back to his church where the crew proceeds to search the place because in a zombie apocalypse, you trust absolutely no one. In one room, Carol finds that the Book of Genesis has been handwritten over and over again, which puts an even more suspicious focus on Gabriel. Rick tells Carl as much, and he, Michonne, Sasha, Bob, and Gabriel head to town for more supplies. Rick reminds his son that, “You are not safe.” I kind of felt like that was also a reminder to the viewer that, “Hey, this is ‘The Walking Dead,’ we shoot children in the back of the head.’”

Anyhoo, in the town, the team of Rick, Michonne, Bob, Sasha, and Gabriel come across a few water-logged walkers on the hunt for food. Gabriel freaks out when he spots a lady walker that, by the scared shitless/guilty look on his face, is someone he knew closely. Naturally, this only raises Rick’s suspicions and leads him to believe what we all know, and that is that Gabriel is hiding something.

Back at church, Carl was busy looking for dirt on Gabriel and when Rick and the gang returned, the son filled the father in on what he found. Some knife marks outside of a church window — typical. Some literature as well: “You’ll burn for this,” carved onto the building. So yeah, Gabriel’s done his fair share of sinning, and we learn from the a photo in the church that the lady walker that freaked him out earlier was apparently his wife.

In other news, Sgt. Abraham Ford (Michael Cudlitz) is still working to try and keep everyone on the path to Washington D.C. Over leftover Communion wine and canned goods, the smiling survivors agree to head to Washington. Problem is, there’s just too much damn smiling and good times being had, which means something terrible needs to happen. That’s just simple “TWD” arithmetic.

And just like that, out with the good, and in with a holy-shit-that’s-a-fucked-up-scene moment. While Daryl catches Carol basically trying to dip out in a Cadillac they found earlier, a black car bearing a white cross in the rear window races past. Immediately, Daryl thinks of Beth. For some reason, I thought of the original Fright Night movies or some kind of backwoods Georgia Uber. Either way, the speeding town car shot a chill into my spine because I, like everyone else, knew it was more or less like a black cat crossing your path — bad fucking luck.

And that poor misfortune found its way to Bob (Lawrence Gilliard Jr.). He gets knocked out while standing outside the church crying, being emo. He wakes up to Gareth (knew he’d be back with a vengeance!) babbling about why he and his people like to eat other people. Ultimately, Gareth’s breaking down his reasoning for cutting off Bob’s legs and eating the pieces in front of him with the rest of his people-munching cohorts. I thought I’d have trouble forgetting the brutal bat-to-head, knife-to-throat-to-trough scene from last week, but watching folks take bites out of Bob’s charred flesh just took over that slot. Perhaps I’ll stick to veggies this week?

BEST QUOTE
“These people are my family and if what you’re hiding somehow hurts them in any way, I’ll kill you.” RIck to Gabriel. Side note: Rick’s one-liners are treading into Horatio Caine territory — awesome.

WTF MOMENT
Legless Bob looking on as Gareth and company eat his legs, his left foot still grilling over the fire.

RANDOM ASIDES
- So is Gabriel tied to Gareth and crew at all?
- I don’t think the cannibals were driving the black car. Who was?
- I wish Michonne had her sword still. Apparently, Rick did too.