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Ben's Sports Take: 11 Predictions Guarantees for 2011 (Part II)

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Here's the second installment of my list of sportsy-type things that will absolutely, definitely, guaranteed, positively take place over the next 12 months...or not.

I cranked the list up to 11 and each prediction guarantee is progressively more likely to occur as the numbers fall. In other words, the lower the number, the more likely the events are to happen. (But they're all guarantees, so that shouldn't really matter)
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PART II

7. Chipper Jones plays season on one leg (literally)
After spending the past seven months rehabilitating from ACL surgery, Chipper Jones starts the season at third base and in his usual No. 3 spot in the Braves batting lineup. Unfortunately, recovering from a torn ACL proves harder than Jones anticipated so, in order to make the Opening Day lineup, Chipper is forced to saw off his left leg in an effort to alleviate the pain of his surgically repaired knee.

In an interesting twist, Jones decides to use his recently detached appendage as a bat for what one can only deduce as an act of nostalgic delusion.

After his first at-bat—where he swings, whiffs, falls over and weeps—Jones decides to retire.



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  • http://clatl.com/atlanta/ImageArchives?by=1223504
  • Thrash headed to his final resting place: Winnipeg



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The DUI and reckless driving charges levied against Braves starting pitcher Derek Lowe nearly a month ago were dropped on Thursday due to fame stature police error?

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Friday May 20, 2011 12:10 pm EDT

https://media2.fdncms.com/atlanta/imager/this-pretty-much-sums-up-the-past-12-years/u/original/3229789/1305866152-thrashers_gone.jpg

  • Wikimedia Commons
  • This pretty much sums up the past 12 years of Thrashers hockey



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Friday May 13, 2011 12:00 pm EDT

  • Joeff Davis



As if digesting my own defecation wasn't degrading enough, I had to sit through yet another deflating end to yet another disappointing Atlanta Hawks season last night—making the whole poop-eating thing a little less depressing.

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